it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
