Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
