I wish my penis had an off switch
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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