i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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