Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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