the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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