I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
