Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
