4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
