none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
