Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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