Already got asked if we're dating
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
