After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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