The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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