im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize