The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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