Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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