I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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