You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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