shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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