NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
