Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i now understand why vodka
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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