the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize