I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
