There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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