So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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