Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
