The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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