guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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