pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
