Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
