I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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