Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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