I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
