i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
