Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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