I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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