Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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