You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
