We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
