that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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