It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize