i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
