So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
