When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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