I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
