a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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