Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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