YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
