I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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