Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
