And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
