Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
