mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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