we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
