i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
