Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
