Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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