he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
