Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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