Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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