She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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