I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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