and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
