Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
