i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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