in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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