I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
