Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize