But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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