You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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