Pants 0. Shit 1.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
