I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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