you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
