Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize