Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
