So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
